The saddening affects of Psychosis

I know that sometimes I laugh at the funny or weird random things that a psychotic person says but it really is so sad when I watch them feel feelings of fear or confusion. That is the saddest thing to watch. Yesterday at work I noticed a trend amongst the patients. We have a lot of Schizophrenics right now and a lot of them are extremely paranoid, they believe that people are trying to poison them and kill them. I talked with two of them for awhile and as I sat and listened to them rant and rave, both of them homeless, no teeth, dirty, with nothing to their name, they both looked at me with such extreme confusion, anxiety and fear about their future. They both expressed anger at the doctors for having brought them to this psych ward, neither of them could understand why they should have to be here, they were fine, completely fine. They both talked about how they knew they were somewhat confused about life but were totally fine to being out on their own. One of them actually became irate and began get very angry exclaiming, ” I better not get committed to the State!” The other kept saying to me, ” I just get all scrambled in my head, and if someone could just tell me what’s going on I could do it, you know just throw my thoughts around and throw them out side of me.” He wasn’t making much sense at all, except that I could tell that he knew he was confused. It was sad, really sad seeing him so confused about life, about everything. I could see a little glimpse of what it would be like to not have control, to not be able to think clearly and have control over your thoughts, your mind and your life. I sat there looking at him as he went on and on and I thought about how strong he had to be to carry this large of a burden, and how most people would look at him and only see a dirty homeless man, but because of my job I was able to see him for who he really was. These two guys reminded me a lot of another patient we used to have. I’ll call him Tyler. Tyler was a lot like these two guys, a male in his 40’s, confused and his confusion made him very sad a lot of the time. He would pace up and down the halls deep in thought. He would always tell me, ” I just feel so confused and worried all of the time, but I don’t know what I’m worrying about.” The look on his face was heartbreaking.  He was constantly worried that he was offending someone, he would go to his room and change his shirt multiple times throughout the day because he thought that his shirt was offending the other patients. Can you imagine being so confused like that all the time? and so worried and anxious about everything? I really cant imagine it. One time another female patient was up in the middle of the night screaming at the top of her lungs. It was so loud that all of the other patients woke up including Tyler. Tyler came running out of his room and the first thing he said was, ” Was that my fault?” It was kind of funny but yet so sad at the same time, the fact that he is constantly worrying about everything all of the time is so sad. The interesting thing about Schizophrenia is that some are so far gone that they have no idea where they are, who they are, what they are doing and they almost live in an ignorant bliss. But then you have the other half of Schizophrenics who are very aware that they suffer from it and this is much worse because they know what is reality and what is not for the most part but just have to suffer with hallucinations, bad thoughts, visions, confusion, sadness and  depression. These people try to live normal lives, they try to work and support themselves but it Is just too hard for them to function. Even when we get them on the right kind of meds they don’t ever fully work for them or if they do the patient a lot of times stops taking them. It really is awful to watch because these people want so badly to live a life like we do. They would give anything to live as happily and as peacefully as we do, and the sad thing about is they probably never will.

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One thought on “The saddening affects of Psychosis

  1. Pingback: My Psych Patients at the Moment | talscrazylife

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