The Fears of a Paranoid Schizophrenic

Pamela was the cutest old lady I had ever met. I don’t know if you would think so because I do just LOVE old people so much but anyhow she was cute. Pamela was one of our first patients, she had snow white hair that was up in a bun on the top of her head all the time and she had absolutely no teeth, but she was still somehow so cute to me. She was extremely paranoid, confused and very angry most of the time. She was constantly getting naked in the middle of the hallway, ( Something that most psychotic people do, don’t ask me why.) I would run over and try to coerce her back into her room quickly. A lot of the time she would stand in front of the nursing station window and yell hyper religious banter, such as, ” My Heavenly Mother….” all the while she is holding up her middle finger in the air at us. This could go on for awhile… She was tormented by the voices in her head, she couldn’t sleep because they were so bad and so she would lay on the couch in the dayroom in the dark and I would go sit next to her, she would hold my hand and she would groan in pain, muttering out random words, things that the voices were telling her. She would look up at me and I knew I could never understand the torment she was going through. It really was heartbreaking to watch and not be able to do anything.

 

The most interesting thing I ever experienced with Pamela was when I found her in her room one day. She was sitting in a chair in the middle of her room completely naked with a blanket draped over her head and body. I walked in and said, ” Pam…What are you doing?” She said, ” The Nazi’s are coming to get me, I have to hide.” It was kind of funny I have to admit, but with a serious tone I responded, ” Well Pam guess what..We are in the year 2011 so the Nazi’s are not here anymore.” She slowly pulled the blanket down so that she could see me a little. “Huh? Are you sure?” I responded again, ” Yes, I’m sure, you see the Nazi’s were around in the 1940’s and its not the 1940’s anymore…so you’re ok, you’re safe.” I was amazed when she actually heard what I said, processed it, believed me and then took the blanket off of her. It was amazing, something that rarely happens. She was ok, she believed me and went about her day. It was nice to have felt that I actually helped a paranoid person realize that their delusion is just that…a delusion. All in a days work I guess.

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