The Power and Burden of Psychosis

It is still so amazing to me how powerful the human brain is and how it is capable of creating the realities and delusions that it creates. Some patients are actually aware that the voices they hear are not real and they will tell you, ” I have Schizophrenia and it has been really hard to deal with.  But then you have the patients who truly believe the voices and are delusional and live in their own reality. This particular patient is a female in her 50’s. I will call her Megan. She wore the same purple sweater everyday and wore her grey hair up in a pony tail. She always seemed to have a concerned look on her face. She never talked to the staff or other patients, always almost remaining in her room. Alike other patients who are burdened with voices if she wasn’t in her room she was pacing up and down the hall speaking to herself. Almost every time I saw her she was having a conversation with the person inside of her. This person happened to be Bill Gates! Megan believed that Bill Gates was her, she was Bill Gates. Bill Gates talked through her. There was also a harp inside her that somebody controlled from Alaska and they could do whatever they wanted with her. She said that she didn’t know who these people were but that inflicted physical pain on her all the time. She said that they were hurting her spine, pinching it all the time. Megan stayed with us for over a month and everyday when I would see her I would ask her how she was feeling.  She was so extremely burdened by her predicament and would say that she was trying to find a way to stop these people who were hurting her. I felt so helpless! How I wished I could help her? I felt that there was nothing within my power because there was absolutely no way to convince her that her reality was not truly reality.

P.S

Megan would speak as though “Bill” was talking to her : “I Bill Gates, its really hard to do. I beg them to know. I’ll say this, its the meanest thing I’ve ever done. Because you don’t got nothing Megan. I do like this stuff.” She would also blow air out of the side of her mouth all the time, because that is the harp in Alaska controlling her. Interesting I know.

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