Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Suicide Attempts

Have you ever watched someone stand in front of you ready to end it all and they are just waiting for you to say something ? Let me tell you it was pretty insane. Scary, sad, everything. The story of this girl is very close to my heart. It is sometimes hard to share but I will tell it anyway. I met this patient after having worked at the psych hospital for only 3 weeks and keep in mind this was my first time working in the field of psych. This girl was 17 years old at the time. She came to us because she had just attempted suicide by hanging. She had a rope mark on her neck, she had actually died and come back twice. Anyways, her reason for wanting to die was because she suffered extremely bad flashbacks from having been sexually abused 100’s of times between the ages of 6-10 years old. She had been raped by her adopted brother. The first time I was with her when she had a flashback I didn’t understand what was happening. We had just been talking and she froze up, her body went completely still and her eyes still as well. Then her body started convulsing and she began screaming , ” Stop it! Stop! Ouch it hurts!” I ran and got another nurse and they told me what was happening. We tried to get her to wake up but we couldn’t. We could make noise, talk to her, yell at her, nothing worked. She had these flashbacks almost everyday. Almost always at night. It was as though she was reliving the experience over and over again. She was absolutely terrified. After watching her go through so many times, probably 10 times I wouldnt even call anyone because there was no point. I would just sit there with her and wait until she woke up. Then I would scratch her back and sing her to sleep. I didn’t know a lot of songs by heart so sometimes I would repeat the same song over and over. She would hold my hand and ask me to please not leave her. One specific time was the worst. She came out of having one and couldn’t free her self of the anger she had inside of her for it. She laid on the floor and started peeling at the paint on the wall. That turned into banging her head on the wall. That’s when I got 2 people to come to the room. She then walked into the bathroom and punched the mirror as hard as should could but when it didn’t break that made her even more angry. She then turned and walked out into the hall and ran into a small room we have for the patients to watch T.V. There was a small table in the middle of the room. She leaped up onto the table, punched the light fixture out with her fist. Glass shattered everywhere. She grabbed onto the long lightbulb broke it in half, put it to her neck and looked at me. I stood there frozen. She wanted me to say something. I immediately started begging her not to do it. I told her that there are people who love her and that she doesn’t need to do this. The other nurses had run to get a shot pulled up. I was in there with 1 other tech. We couldn’t grab her by her legs, that wasn’t smart. We could just talk to her. She then turned around and started cutting her wrists with the lightbulb. At that moment the nurses came in with the shots. She then jumps down on the ground and begins cutting her neck with the lightbulb. All four of us jumped in and wrestled the lightbulb out of her hand. There was shattered glass beneath us, I began scrapping in away with them feet because she was grabbing it, trying to cut herself with it. We each had a limb to hold onto. She was strong! She began yelling, ” Just let me die!” she repeated that over and over. I left once she was calmer and called 911. They came and we sent her to the ER to get stiches in her neck and wrists. I rode with her in the ambulance and sat with her in the ER. I said to her, ” How many times have you tried to kill yourself?” She said, ” 9 times ” and I replied , ” Well don’t you think theres a reason your still supposed to be here then?” She smiled a mischievous grin and said , ” Maybe. “

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